Beware of flying bad words!!! - Kitchen Nightmares

My inspiration for this post comes from our cousin, Kim.. her post this afternoon really just spoke to me.

Kim is going through a bit of a kitchen nightmare today. From her FB posts I can tell the day started out quite well with a visit to Kitchen Art to pick up newly sharpened knives. But, then it was all down hill her mandolin slicer broke, a light burnt out, and her chef'n spatula snapped. (I'm sure she'd be happy to accept donations of new items - including a new fridge)

I too have had these nightmare-ish kitchen days. So I thought I'd share in some of my (least)favorite kitchen stories.

Red Velvet Chocolate Cake - this cake still escapes me. I have tried two recipes and both have failed. The first, a Red Velvet Chiffon that looked like a baby hot pink nightmare (complete with a gooey edge). The second batch, a cupcake version caved in. I may or may not have had quite a few beverages before attempting this and I might have left out a key ingredient.

Gingerbread Cookie Dough - My food processor motor died while making this holiday staple. It came to a screeching halt while I was carefully adding molasses. I held onto it for another couple months hoping it would magically work. And, it did -- if you twisted it backwards a few times, it could process air like a champ for about 5 seconds. (Recently replaced with the KFP750 in White thanks to a gift card I won at work)

Stove top of melt-y-ness  - it is a REALLY good thing my husband has some experience fighting fires. Our flat-top stove top sits between the wall mounted oven and fridge. There isn't much counter space.....

We have melted the following items (there are probably more - don't judge)

Food packages - The Blue Box & Brats? It began with a hot mess of melted plastic (the brats were in a plastic bag), a trip to the store, scraping off the stove top, and an awful stench.

Plastic Containers - I had purchased this fantastic set of plastic storage containers to house delicious leftovers. And, well they melt really quickly on a warm burner. We have since switched to glass containers, but the lids are plastic.... and yes I'm pretty sure I've spent the night before Thanksgiving frantically scraping off a plastic lid from my poor stove-top :(

Rubber Spatulas - I have murdered two spatulas, once by placing it on a warm (but not on) burner, and the other time while cooking with a roommate. We both noticed the spatula kept getting smaller and smaller as we cooked. It seemed so odd, sure enough the darn thing had melted into the sauce.

I've learned that the key to removing the melted plastic goo is speed, water, a metal tool, and prayer. And, that value priced plastic melts REALLY fast.

The best solution however is to just make sure plastic NEVER touches the stove top.


So, please join me in telling Kim that she is not alone, and it will get better by sharing your kitchen nightmare(s).

Passover, Seder, and Jesus

My mom is Jewish, which makes me Jewish. I was raised Baptist. (Single mom working nights + great babysitters)

That said, I have fond memories of the Efromson family Seder here in Indianapolis and that one Passover at my Grandparents where some punk kid cut me in line as we searched for the hidden matza. I think I was 3 or 4 years old, and if I remember correctly earlier that evening I switched places with my uncle and took a HUGE gulp of wine, promptly spitting it out all over my grandmother’s good white linens.... everyone got a good laugh, but me.

This year we celebrated Easter with a Friday night Seder. It was a last minute brainstorm, complete with my mom franticly searching for my grandfather’s Haggadah (Reformed Judaism, sort of the non-denominational liberal-ish arm of Judaism from what I understand ... remember I was raised Baptist) She couldn't find the book, which was most likely subject to one of her "donation" sprees where big black trash bags full of "donations" end up in the garbage cans of local apartment complexes.

Luckily, I had saved a silver-covered traditional Haggadah complete with photos of odd looking little chubby men.

Now, back to the cooking. I had seen an article on Bon Appetite’s email newsletter "An Elegant Passover Menu for 6" which included an interesting recipe for Matzo Ball Soup. The fish and fancy salad they had listed didn’t really fit my... style. So, I searched a bit further on Bon Appetite’s site and found a REALLY awesome Gillette Fish recipe using Halibut (ps Halibut is NOT cheap). Armed with printouts of the recipes I headed to Meijer.

I found everything but lemon grass and a food processor (for the Torte, so I swapped it out for a NOT kosher leavened 4 layer lemon curd cake).

That night I made the fish… it was an interesting experience. Hobo Packets + expensive ingredients. This fish needed to be cooked the night before, cooled, and then refrigerated until served. I looked really good, and it smelled even better (everyone said they would have preferred it warm). Halibut with Carrots, Fennel, Lemon, and Garlic

The next day I headed to the International grocery to fetch lemon grass. I had a BIG day ahead of me, homemade chicken broth, a 4-tiered cake, finding the Haggadah (which I didn’t think of until 30 minutes before people were to arrive).

Somehow I pulled it off… but next year we are going to need a new Haggadah with post-its on the questions (our family’s favorite part).

Luckily, Uncle Dave has already ordered a Children’s Haggadah which is perfect, and doubles as a coloring book. I think we will order enough for everyone to have their own.

The Blue Box & Brats

Wow time goes by so quickly. And, today I was reminded that I am not always a wannabe gourmet cook. Dinner was Mac n' Cheese & Cheesy Brats.

The "real" blue box complete with powdered stuff. (We had a REALLY terrible incident last week with some fermented/expired Velveeta goo ... never again)

I was also reminded that Jordan doesn't really know how to make Mac n' Cheese and I have little clue when it comes to brats.

So here are the recipes from tonight.

The blue box (follow directions on the side, be sure not to pour the packet of "cheese" into the boiling water when adding the noodles)

Add 3 Brats + Can of Cheap Beer + Can (the beer can when empty) filled with water in a medium sauce pan. Bring to boil, simmer for about .... until Jordan thinks they are done (should be firm). Then broil on low until they are crispy brownish. (Turning as necessary)

Death By Chocolate Cake & a torch (Part 2)

Ok let's see if I can pick up where I left off.

The next day I tried to get permission to leave early in order to finish the decadent chocolate cake (with no luck) after a quick grocery trip for more eggs & instant coffee (I went with Folgers ... it's what my mom always used so I figured it would be good enough). I then headed to the corner liquor store - and it wasn't my normal store because traffic was hellish. Instead of the friendly folks off of 10th, I decided to head to the store near Rockville ... mistake #167 ;) They couldn't tell me what a good dark rum was, nor could they show me where it was. So, I called my husband who was able to answer my plea for help (and who I should have just asked first). Somehow, I managed to find dark rum (I'll try and find the bottle to tell you what I bought) Finally, I was back in the kitchen by 7PM. I still needed to complete 4 more layers and assemble this masterpiece.

The brownie layer was a hot mess of complication... Sifting ingredients, melting various types of chocolate in a double boiler, balloon whisking eggs and such. But, I was able to get it in the oven without much trouble....vowing to use a box mix next time.

The ganache, mocha mousse and rum sauces all went together well. The mocha mousse was pretty much like the other mousse layer, but it didn't seem to hold together like the others... it was a bit runny after gingerly mixing the ingredients together. This time I was sure to rinse the bowl & attachment between the eggs and cream, so I wasn't sure what was going on... but, it tasted good so I shrugged my shoulders, covered it, and tossed it in the fridge hoping it would 'set' a bit.

In the midst of all this baking I asked Jordan, my lovely husband, for at least one more mixing bowl for the stand mixer. He kindly reminded me of my large collection of metal mixing bowls. Totally not the same thing. 

I took half of the rum sauce and put it in a container for work, the other half for home/small group (which we never made it to), and a small container for the boss to take home to his family.

Then, I figured it was time for assembly. It was 10:30 PM and I was still really excited to see how this turned out.

The first step was to cut the brownie layer in half. This odd-looking dense brownie layer did NOT want to be cut in half. I used my large bread knife and hoped for the best. I let out a cry of despair as the top layer ripped in two.  Not to worry I carefully pieced it back together as the bottom layer and let the Ganache layer hold it together.

Then the meringue layer needed to be trimmed just a bit to fit into the spring form pan. I found that the steak knife worked magic as trimming away bits without cracking the entire meringue.(ok maybe there was a small crack)

Then a few more layers of scooping and the final layer of brownie. It all appeared to be going well. The cake just fit in the pan and I was able to get it in the fridge without dropping it on the floor. 

Now to wait ......

And, wait......

An hour-and-a-half later at 12:30 in the morning, I decided to remove this masterpiece from the fridge and complete the final step: ganache, piping, and packing up 1/2 of it for work. I made it from the fridge to the counter spread on the remaining ganache, and returned it to the fridge. After waiting the prescribed 10 -15 minutes I removed the pan from the fridge yet again and then released the spring on the pan and began lifting the ring........

The ganache began to fracture and then the mousse started to ooze out from under the ring.

I was crushed, loudly crushed, with some choice words. My sleeping husband might have thought the world had ended. I quickly grabbed the two pieces of the spring form pan, shoved most of the cake back in place and shut the spring, returned the now HOT MESS of a cake back to the fridge. More choice words, and a few tears later, I shuffled off to our bedroom to cry/whine a bit about my ruined cake, and failure at cooking. Did I mention Jordan went to bed at 10PM, and had been sleeping soundly for 3 hours? This wonderful man listened to me, told me I wasn't a failure, and told me not to worry. He didn't just roll over, he didn't scold me for my fowl mouth -- he just made me feel better. Then, he rolled over and went back to sleep. 

I finally, returned to the kitchen to assess the damage. I began by cleaning the smears of mousse off the counter. Then I cleaned up the pan holding the Death By Chocolate Cake and the ooze that had fallen into the deep recesses of my fridge.... and as I cleaned I formulated a bit of a plan: If I could get the ganache to look a bit smoother I could just take the whole cake to work and serve it from the pan. It wouldn't be as pretty, but it would work. I just needed the top of the cake to not look like a train wreck and (to fix the now fractured ganache) my trusty crème brulee torch! I melted the now cracked mess of ganache until it was a smooth layer of chocolate. By 1:30 AM I had loaded the final layer of mousse into a piping bag, packed up serving utensils, and was off to bed.

Look forward to part 3 --- sometime in the future.

Spaghetti Whitt Style

Making Spaghetti for two can be quite a challenge. Cooking only 1/3 of the box of spaghetti is never enough and 1/2 is two much (I seriously might start counting the strands of spaghetti)

However I think I have the sauce combination down - 1/2 lb of hamburger 1/2 lb of hot/med spicy sausage and one small jar of sauce.

Death By Chocolate Cake & a torch (Part 1)

My boss's all time favorite cake, which I've heard him rave about for months, is Death by Chocolate. Recently I emailed the restaurant,  La Trellis, to see if they would FedEx us a cake. They said no.

Then, I thought about buying the La Trellis cookbook; but after googling I found several recipes online including this recipe from food.com http://goo.gl/NXAds and this blog post from ButterYum - http://goo.gl/yqsvi

At our training dinner this past Monday night my boss asked what, if anything, I'd be making for the group. You see, I've made something for every training group since I started 8 months ago (at first, just to use the massive amount of eggs sitting in my fridge but eventually it was to try new recipes).

The last group had Creme Brulee :)

During dinner our conversation turned to everyone's favorite recipes and the boss mentioned that cake..again. So, I did what any good cook would do - I googled it (yet again) and decided to try making this massive cake with an equally massive 6 pages of directions.

I could have simply made Cook's Illustrated's Triple Chocolate Mousse Cake ... for the 4th time this year, but, no I thought I'd be adventurous....

So following our dinner, I headed to the store to pick up heavy whipping cream and dark rum - I thought I had everything else I might need. When I finally got home around 8pm I realized I was short unsweetened chocolate and semi-sweet chocolate. So, off to the store again.

Then, I returned home and made the first two layers: coco meringue and chocolate mousse.


The coco meringue went surprisingly well and I even had the piping supplies to make it look neat. I used a round cake pan and not a cardboard cake round and LOVED when I realized I didn't have to cut out the traced circle. I also thought I'd be creative and pipe the left over meringue into ramekins. The recipe probably makes double (anyone have a 6- inch deep 9-inch spring-form pan?) but, I should have just made two 9-inch meringue circles -- the meringue in the ramekins crusted nicely but the inside was a gooey mess.

The chocolate mousse was going well until I decided not to rinse the mixer bowl between the whipping creme and egg white steps. (Note: milky eggs do not peak) So, I had to start over. And, then I noticed I was short some eggs...

Check back later for part 2 :)

Back to the Kitchen

I've been a terrible blogger. But, here goes a mini post to get me rolling again....

My Uncle Dave bought me this amazing new Cooking Light book/binder from Target. It is fantastic. His favorite recipe so far is Shepherd's Pie. It is a super simple recipe and can be made in under 20 minutes.

Here is the link to Cooking Light - there recipes are free to view so please check it out - goo.gl/xfJgY